Tug-of-War
By: Lauren Grossman
Dear Mom and Dad,
We always had those great mother and father moments. We would play catch. Then as I got older, we would do my homework together. As I got older, we would go to the mall. As I got older, we didn’t hang much, as I was with my friends. As I got older, we would go to the store and by pads and bras. We had the typical family life.
I found it suspicious as I got older why you guys had reddish hair, and I had blonde hair. I wondered why your arms and faces were spotted with freckles, where in my case, I had maybe 2 on my arm. I looked nothing like you. I decided though not to question it. I had great relationship with you guys, You were like my best friends...until...You not telling me my whole life was a lie. How could you guys not tell me? You thought I would never know, did you? Well I needed my birth certificate for a school project. I was looking and looking. I figured maybe the attic had it. I found the birth certificate in a box. But it didn’t say “John and Becca Daniels” were my parents. It had “Francis and Joan Peterson” as my parents. Who the heck were those people? I thought we were best friends, and you guys would tell me anything? I wasn’t born from someone who taught me how to walk or use the toilet. I was born from a bunch of strangers.
I am writing this to say goodbye. I feel as if my whole life isn’t me. If I was with my real mom and dad, who knows if I would of been with the friends I am with now. I thought the moments we shared were special, now they’re just a bunch of lies.
I thought I loved you, but now I don’t know. I guess I do, because you raised me my whole life. I mean, you done everything. I had the best life and so much fun. Now I don’t know whether to change my hair or change my clothes, or change everything about me. I mean, you are like parents to me, but it’s not the same feeling when you’re not with the people who gave birth to you. I feel like I have to pick a side, like a game of tug-of-war. Well now I have too soo which side I can pull harder on. Well, I have everything packed. Time to find myself.
Love, no scratch that, Sincerely,
Jess (I should say Jessica because you called me Jess) So Sincerely,
Jessica
Dear M-m-om and D-d-ad,
H-hi. Um, yeah, this is your daughter, Jessica Florence Peterson. I was, adopt-adopted. I had a great life, ya know? I wish I could meet you. I, I feel as now I don’t know who I am. I’m coming to search for you. I’m in a taxi cab now, writing this to you. But let me tell you something:...
Thanks. Thanks for everything. We never had those moments. We never had those times where I would fall, and you’d pick me up. We never had those moments where I could just cry in your arms until I was out of tears. We never had those moments where you actually said everything was going to be okay. We never had those fun times, and the hard ones that will get better because we have each other. But no. I just sent a letter messaging my adopted parents good-bye, because I’m hurt and frustrated by you. I don’t know what the reason was why you gave me for adoption, but I’m 17. It’s been 17 years and I’m ready for the whole story and truth.
I shouldn’t put my anger on my adopted parents, but I did. They saved me. They gave me a life. They were happy to have a daughter. Was I a mistake, you didn’t want to get pregnant? Well I think not being with you guys wasn’t a mistake. I am so hurt and confused, not sure who to go to. But I am on my way to talk to you guys, and get this straightened out. After I see who I really am, I am going back to my adopted parents, because they gave me a beautiful life. Yeah, sure, it was a big lie. They were protecting me from the truth, probably because THEY KNOW ME; THAT I WOULD BE THIS UPSET AT YOU AND THEY WOULDN’T WANT ME UPSET RIGHT NOW. I feel like I am playing in the middle of a game of tug-of-war, not sure what side to got to. As hard as I pull, I am not getting to the side I want. But here I am getting to that side to find out what I missed my whole life. I’m going to try. So, I am on my way. Don't even know who I am sending this letter to. Goodbye.
Love, NO not love, From,
Jess (what my adopted parents called me)
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